The Great Pizza Challenge

The perfect pizza is a very individual thing. Heston Blumenthal even did a whole episode on it, personally I didn't think his was even close to what I'd consider the perfect pizza.

For mine a pizza should have a medium thickness base, none of this glorified water cracker stuff but also not so thick you could use it to cushion an egg's fall from the Empire State building. When it comes to toppings pile 'em high, loads of shredded ham and whatever other goodies you so desire. So basically anything they make in Italy or anyone trying to copy it is right out.

It's my belief that, like a lot of things, your idea of what constitutes the perfect version of something stems from what you grew up with. I still can't come at a fish and chips shop selling anything except fish and chips unless it's the odd pickled onion or a can of coke, but that's a whole other story.

So while back in Victoria for Christmas I decided to put 2 of my favourite exponents of the pizza head to head for a challenge; Godfather's Pizza in Leopold and Drysdale Village Pizza.

It was to be a taste off of the three classics, Hawaiian, Mexican and the classic Aussie, we also got various other specials, chicken pizzas plus the must have Ned Kelly. In order for true fairness though only the 3 common pizzas were head to head.

for those not familiar all three pizzas have a common foundation, a tomato sauce topped with cheese, and then shredded ham. The Aussie adds an egg to this, the hawaiian adds pineapple, and the mexican the most elaborate with chilli either flakes, jalapenos or both, and capsicum without the capsicum it's basically an American with chilli.

A few places throw some other things in there but this is the basica formula known throughout Australia.

The foundations of both pizzerias were very close, a good flavoured sauce and the right amount of cheese and ham cooked to perfection so it's crispy on top but not burnt. The Aussie and Hawaiian were again very close as well, both Hawaiians have decent size chunnks of pineaple not the crushed garbage some places try to get away with.

So the tie breaker was the Mexican, once agin both very similar, both places opting to go with jalapenos and chilli powder, but I'd have to give it to Drysdale Village Pizza becasue theirs was a little hotter and I like it spicier.

They were very close and either place I will definite look forward to visiting when back in Geelong.

Smolt in Salamanca Square

Yesterday saw a bunch of us head to Smolt for a work end of year lunch. It's not my first time there but I figured I'd pontificate on it anyway.

Smolt's layout and interior are quite nice, but then it was recently revamped from an empty shell that used to be The Antarctic Experience or something like that.

There's also an intersting mix of tables, quiet intimate tables at the back plus a larger "communal" table at the front of the restaurant. This makes for a fun dining experience where you can meet new people, also if you're dining alone can break the loner feeling.

Apart from that it's typical modern minimalist, but they've done it well so none of that annoying loud echo that concrete or tiled floors can sometimes give.

The service was very good, with our waiter knowledgeable on all the dishes on the menu, and quick to refresh drinks when required. It was a work lunch however so mostly it was beers all around so we didn't try the wine list, but there appeared to be a reasonable selection.

The menu is somewhat spartan but does cover all the bases that modern Australian cuisine should. They also have a few different pizzas on the menu making this their kind of specialty.

There were a few of us at the table so we saw a variety of dishes, whilst I personally went for the italian sausage, chilli and fennel pizza.

The pizza was very good, well cooked and a great mix of flavours. I was unsure how the combo would go but thouroughly enjoyed it. Everyone else's meals were also well presented and by all accounts done well. The only complaint was from one guy who had ordered the pumpkin side, who said he couldn't quite put his finger on it but the pumpkin tasted "funny". Might be an individual taste thing as everyone has different expectations, and I didn't taste it myself.

Almost everyone went the desert option as well, perhaps becasue it was free, but also a testimony I think to decent portion control, so you still feel like you can eat desert after a main. The biggest hit was the chocolate brownie but I opted for the cheese platter, I didn't think chocolate and aniseed flavours would mesh that well.

I can't remember the exact cheeses (I should write this stuff down), but there was a brie, a cheddar and a blue, presented with some biscuits, quince paste and toasted walnuts. Cheese is pretty hard to get wrong, basically you just need to pick the right cheese and store it correctly. Smolt had done both of these, so the cheese was good, as was the toasted walnuts. Not sure what they did but they had a great flavour and were still a little bit warm when brought to the table. A nice touch.

All in all the food was very good, and they've done a wonderful job on the design side too. The only few minor complaints would be the lack of choice, although sometimes it's better to do a few dishes well than a lot poorly. I'm unsure of the affiliation with the Tassal shop in the same building, but it has a feel that's they're kind of one and the same place so I'd have expected to see some more salmon and or fish on the menu. The second minor complaint would be the price. It's not the cheapest and whilst the food is good it's not exceptional. Low thirties for a main is strating to get into the pricey side which I don't think was reflected in the food. The pizzas were in the $20 range though from memory so if you wanted to do it a bit cheaper they do provide options.

All in all I'd go back, but that's a no brainer as I have been back several times.

A Burger Bar

No not some sort of crazed new power bar or protein bar tasting of burgers. A place where they make and serve hamburgers. At least that was the premise.

I was in Melbourne for work and was out and about looking for something for lunch. I'd previously been past some of the little alleys and lans down Flinders Lane way so though I'd take a look there not really knowing what I felt like. So I was definitely drawn in when I saw a sign that said Cafe and Burger Bar.

Now I love a good burger so this should've been a lay down mazaire but sadly it wasn't, and here's why.
Firstly the name of the place, it might've been Il Cubico but I can't be sure as that was on on of the glass walls. The front bit looked more like a coffee shop, with the coffee machine and a big picture of the Lamborghini symbol and something about cafe Lamborghini. Nothing out the front mentioned Il Cubico and the only thing I could find was the sign that first enticed me saying cafe and burger bar.

That wasn't the last of the mental hurdy gurdy going on though, the menu as well had a good case of Biploar. Burger bar, should be easy; burgers, fries, maybe some shakes that sort of thing. Well there was certainly burgers, and a chicken BLT (that came on a bun), and even a steak sandwich which is about the boundary of what I'd consider burger like technology. However flip the menu over and there was pasta dishes, and even the specials board boasted canelloni.

Then there was the layout/decor. Upfront a mix of classic cafe style chairs and tables, then at the counter a bench with stools so you can eat at the bench. Moving further back into the place there was a couch area yes with a low coffee table or two and they were serving people food there too. Finally at the very back a wide open more traditional type dining area with de riguer chair and tables setup that could be mixed and matched depending on if they needed 10 tables of 4, 20 tables of 2, 2 tables of 20, etc. etc. Yet another case of make your mind up why you're trying to be.

Then came the numbers. My brother in law refuses to eat at any place that has numbers on a stick. Myself, I'm not so fussy but they definitely do have their place, and The Cube cum Burger Bar wasn't it. you don't order at the counter and get given a number, the waiter staff come to your table and take your order. So why the god damned numbers? If they can't remember what table had what order either get new staff or get a discreet little number for the middle of the table. Or better yet do as other places I've seen call the tables colours or actors or muppets, makes for more interest at least.

So given all the above is it surprising to learn the staff seemed to have no idea what was going on? I was shown to a table by one gent who said he'd return with a menu, then another girl showed up at the table asking if I wanted to order. I suggested a menu ight be nice so off she went to fetch one. Once I ordered, more on this in a sec, a third guy turned up with my drink, and I think it was the chef himself who brought my burger to the table. I didn't see him dothis for anyone else though so I should consider myself a VIP perhaps.

The ordering as promised. It's a burger place so I took aloko at the 4 burgers they had on the menu plus the one, creatively entitled "Beef Burger" on the menu. I settled on the New York Sinner, but they were all pretty much a variation on a theme, a beef patty, cheese, caramelised onions, lettuce, bacon, tomato. Mix and match those elements 4 different ways and you have the menu. Seriously would be simpler to just say beef patty, here's the accompniments, fill your boots, than coming up with witty burger sounding names for 4 variations on the same thing. I guess in defense they did have the chicken BLT and steak sandwich as well.

Ordering the New York sinner shoudl've been simple right? Wel it seems my waitress had very little in the way of English skills. That's all fine and dandy, but even pointing at the N.Y.S. on the menu seemed a little to much for her. Given this I opted away from trying anything other than a Coke which still took some time, isn't it Coke in any language? Isn't that part of it's deadly appeal? The same as Mickey D's you always know what you're going to get and it transends language barriers with it's universality.

The whole thing though just left me in a head spin as to what the place was trying to be. Enough about the trimming though and on to the food.

As mentioned I had the New York sinner, a beef patty, lettuce, tomato, "home made relish", cheese all served with fries. the patty itself was pretty good as was the home made relish. Nothing too fancy, no complicated flavours trying to confuse the palate unlike everything else around you.

The patty and relish were the best thing about it though. The lettuce while suposed to be a little bitter was actually very bitter, and the tomato was still green.

Also after watching Heston Blumenthal's search for perfection I've come to agree that burgers need pickles, despite pulling them off Big Macs for years (and still do). 

This had no pickle, `nuff said. Also the bun was clearly a store bought mass produced rubber thing, edible but not special.

The last point was the price. I don't mind $13-14 bucks for a hamburger if it's done well. Nothing about the burger I had deserved this price tag.

All in all I can't rate this highly, it seems like they've just opened or maybe caught them on a bad day, but it was a Tuesday so I'd think it only get's worse towards the weekend.

I think they need to make thier mind up what they want to be and focus on doing that well.

I'd suggest sticking with the burger bar as cafes are dime a dozen in Melbourne and especially around Flinders Lane.

If I can offer some suggestions get rid of the fancy names for the burgers because they're all basically the same thing. Just list what you do and the condiments/sides/add ons you can do, then maybe offer a few suggestions such as plain, cheeseburger, burger with mushrooms, etc.

Look at offering other varieties not just classic beef but chicken, tofu for the vegos, maybe branch into roo, emu, veal some thing a little more exotic, and while extending the repetoire look at more add ons, egg, bacon, cheese (2-3 varieties), pickles, mustard, tomato sauce (as criminal as that is), pinapple, onions, beetroot (aussie burgers must have it), all the things to give people "their" perfect burger.