I was in Melbourne for work and was out and about looking for something for lunch. I'd previously been past some of the little alleys and lans down Flinders Lane way so though I'd take a look there not really knowing what I felt like. So I was definitely drawn in when I saw a sign that said Cafe and Burger Bar.
Now I love a good burger so this should've been a lay down mazaire but sadly it wasn't, and here's why.
Firstly the name of the place, it might've been Il Cubico but I can't be sure as that was on on of the glass walls. The front bit looked more like a coffee shop, with the coffee machine and a big picture of the Lamborghini symbol and something about cafe Lamborghini. Nothing out the front mentioned Il Cubico and the only thing I could find was the sign that first enticed me saying cafe and burger bar.
That wasn't the last of the mental hurdy gurdy going on though, the menu as well had a good case of Biploar. Burger bar, should be easy; burgers, fries, maybe some shakes that sort of thing. Well there was certainly burgers, and a chicken BLT (that came on a bun), and even a steak sandwich which is about the boundary of what I'd consider burger like technology. However flip the menu over and there was pasta dishes, and even the specials board boasted canelloni.
Then there was the layout/decor. Upfront a mix of classic cafe style chairs and tables, then at the counter a bench with stools so you can eat at the bench. Moving further back into the place there was a couch area yes with a low coffee table or two and they were serving people food there too. Finally at the very back a wide open more traditional type dining area with de riguer chair and tables setup that could be mixed and matched depending on if they needed 10 tables of 4, 20 tables of 2, 2 tables of 20, etc. etc. Yet another case of make your mind up why you're trying to be.
Then came the numbers. My brother in law refuses to eat at any place that has numbers on a stick. Myself, I'm not so fussy but they definitely do have their place, and The Cube cum Burger Bar wasn't it. you don't order at the counter and get given a number, the waiter staff come to your table and take your order. So why the god damned numbers? If they can't remember what table had what order either get new staff or get a discreet little number for the middle of the table. Or better yet do as other places I've seen call the tables colours or actors or muppets, makes for more interest at least.
So given all the above is it surprising to learn the staff seemed to have no idea what was going on? I was shown to a table by one gent who said he'd return with a menu, then another girl showed up at the table asking if I wanted to order. I suggested a menu ight be nice so off she went to fetch one. Once I ordered, more on this in a sec, a third guy turned up with my drink, and I think it was the chef himself who brought my burger to the table. I didn't see him dothis for anyone else though so I should consider myself a VIP perhaps.
The ordering as promised. It's a burger place so I took aloko at the 4 burgers they had on the menu plus the one, creatively entitled "Beef Burger" on the menu. I settled on the New York Sinner, but they were all pretty much a variation on a theme, a beef patty, cheese, caramelised onions, lettuce, bacon, tomato. Mix and match those elements 4 different ways and you have the menu. Seriously would be simpler to just say beef patty, here's the accompniments, fill your boots, than coming up with witty burger sounding names for 4 variations on the same thing. I guess in defense they did have the chicken BLT and steak sandwich as well.
Ordering the New York sinner shoudl've been simple right? Wel it seems my waitress had very little in the way of English skills. That's all fine and dandy, but even pointing at the N.Y.S. on the menu seemed a little to much for her. Given this I opted away from trying anything other than a Coke which still took some time, isn't it Coke in any language? Isn't that part of it's deadly appeal? The same as Mickey D's you always know what you're going to get and it transends language barriers with it's universality.
The whole thing though just left me in a head spin as to what the place was trying to be. Enough about the trimming though and on to the food.
As mentioned I had the New York sinner, a beef patty, lettuce, tomato, "home made relish", cheese all served with fries. the patty itself was pretty good as was the home made relish. Nothing too fancy, no complicated flavours trying to confuse the palate unlike everything else around you.
The patty and relish were the best thing about it though. The lettuce while suposed to be a little bitter was actually very bitter, and the tomato was still green.
Also after watching Heston Blumenthal's search for perfection I've come to agree that burgers need pickles, despite pulling them off Big Macs for years (and still do).
This had no pickle, `nuff said. Also the bun was clearly a store bought mass produced rubber thing, edible but not special.
The last point was the price. I don't mind $13-14 bucks for a hamburger if it's done well. Nothing about the burger I had deserved this price tag.
All in all I can't rate this highly, it seems like they've just opened or maybe caught them on a bad day, but it was a Tuesday so I'd think it only get's worse towards the weekend.
I think they need to make thier mind up what they want to be and focus on doing that well.
I'd suggest sticking with the burger bar as cafes are dime a dozen in Melbourne and especially around Flinders Lane.
If I can offer some suggestions get rid of the fancy names for the burgers because they're all basically the same thing. Just list what you do and the condiments/sides/add ons you can do, then maybe offer a few suggestions such as plain, cheeseburger, burger with mushrooms, etc.
Look at offering other varieties not just classic beef but chicken, tofu for the vegos, maybe branch into roo, emu, veal some thing a little more exotic, and while extending the repetoire look at more add ons, egg, bacon, cheese (2-3 varieties), pickles, mustard, tomato sauce (as criminal as that is), pinapple, onions, beetroot (aussie burgers must have it), all the things to give people "their" perfect burger.
No comments:
Post a Comment